Squeeze

Sometimes I feel as if though I could squeeze Hunter, put him in a box and carry him everywhere with me.. Like when he wants to sleep in my bed to cuddle with me or when he loves me so much.

Sometimes I feel like I could squeeze my jaw so tight my brains might pop out because of how much Hunter drives me crazy... Like when we are trying to eat and he has to constantly reach across me or when he has to constantly hang on me.

Hunter,

I love you more than you know but sometimes mommy just doesnt need you to sit and talk to her when I am sitting the toliet. Sometimes I dont want to hear your singing/screaming. Sometimes I would prefer you listen to me the first time and sometimes I need you to not talk just so I have a moment to hear my own thoughts.

I appreciate the fact that you want to learn///EVERYTHING///even though you can always find the worst time to ask me questions. I appreciate that you try things on your own but I cant stand when you say CAN'T. Can't is not a word I will let you use. I want you to grow up knowing you can accomplish anything you want as long as you work towards it. If I were to give up on you or me I wouldnt be as happy as I am today.

I know you repeat yourself a 100x because it is part of learning.. but it is flat out annoying. Do I need to make an appointment with your ENT again, since you have seemed to have stopped listening to me? Also, do I need to send your teacher an apology note for your behavior the past two weeks or a Thank you note for not kicking you out of school? Just curious.

I took off work early so that we could spend mommy and Hunter TLC time. It was definitely worth my time. I hope this stage you are going through will pass. I dont want you to grow up any faster but I am looking for my patience back. If you find them can you please return them to me?

I am very impressed with how well you stay in the lines when coloring. I love that you know how to write your name and can spell your name out loud. We are still working on your last name but I know you will get there. You are a very sharp little boy and you pick up on everything so well.

I am not sure how you get bad words out of something I said... Like Sh*t.. when I said fish or da*n when I said Fan. Its interesting and apparently I need to watch what I say under my breath around you because even though you seem to not listen you can always hear what I whisper.

I know you dont understand it now but I when I tell you to stop jumping on the furniture because furniture is not to be jumped on plus you can get hurt, I am telling you for a reason.. Which you learned when your upper teeth made your lower lip bleed and now you have a fat lower lip.

I tell you ALL the time that you never stop learning and I want you to grow old still knowing that you have LOTS more to learn. I know you dont want to be a grandpa now but later in life I only wish the best for you and I wish you will be a grandpa one day. I hope you teach your grandkids that life is a party but with responsibilities. So please get your duties and responsibilties completed each and everyday then dance! Dance like no one is watching and sing even though I am not sure you will be able to carry a tune. You will find yourself laughing before you know it and will relieve some stress. You and I both love to do the shake your botty walk and it makes us both laugh. Dont lose your laugh and dont lose your fun side. Remember to always treat others like you want to be treated so when someone is mean to you at school, you just smile and walk away. If they come back and do it again, once again smile and walk away so that they will learn the same concept of treat others the way you want to be treated.

Some of the cute things you say like TrouBOwl (trouble), woy (Roy), and Baquito (Mosquito) wont last forever so forgive me for saying things like you do or sometimes correct you. I just cant make up my mind.

I love you to the stars!
Mom

Tomorrow I am running 12 miles. I have lost 18.6 pounds. I am 3 weeks from my race! EEK!
Happy November

Where does the road lead?

Hunter always ask when are we going to be there?
Where are we going?
How far until we are home?
Can you go faster?

I have been applying these questions to life in general these days. Any thoughts?

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I want to go to God

H: Mommy?
M: Yes Hunter.
H: I don't want to pray up to God.
M: Why don't you want to pray to God?
H: I want to see God.
M: You will be able to MANY MANY years from now.
H: When I am a grandpa?
M: yes.
H: I don't want to be a Grandpa, I want to see him now.
M: Well I don't want you to go see God now.
H: Why?
M: Because I would miss you. And be sad, I don't want you to leave me.
H: I would come back silly! I want to see what he wears. Do you think they have fun up there?
M: I bet he is wearing a CUBS shirt and jeans.
H: No he is wearing Cardinals.
M: No he likes the Cubs according to my interpretation of him. And I bet they have all kinds of fun up there.
H: Yeah like watch us!

What a smart kid!! (except for the Cardinals comment, he noticed I was wearing my Cubs shirt today)

Running update: I ran 4 miles yesterday and I found myself saying: This isn't bad today! 4 miles isn't a struggle any more! Woo Hoo. Only two months until Race Day! Cant wait!

Funny story at work: One of the specialist at work was walking a customer through reinstalling a signature pad. He asked that they unplug the usb from the back of the computer. The customer said: We cant take it out. We got tired of it always falling out so we glued it in.
LOL! Have a nice day

Running in circles

Time. Is going by so quickly.
Life. Is busy.
Facts. Cant change them.
People. Can only change if they want the change.
Running. I am registered for a half marathon on Dec 5 for St. Judes.
Not ready. Dating isnt on my list of things to do at this point.
Laughing. Hunter is my laughter everyday.
Missing. I miss him when he is away and I miss quiet time when he is near.
Getting older. 31 is approaching and somehow seems harder than 30.
Weight. Weight Watchers is working (along with the running). I am down roughly 14 pounds.
Clothes. I am waiting until I lose 20 pounds before I shop so please excuse my baggy clothes.
Holidays. Love Thanksgiving and Christmas. Cant wait for them!
Sisters. I miss them both. Yes one does live in Effingham but I never see her.
Mom. She stands for her family everyday. Love her.
Dad. He stands for his family everyday. Love him.
Hunter. The man in my life. The love of my life.
2009. Almost over and feel like it should just be starting.
Friends. They are here for a reason and they will never know how valuable they are to me.

Only one more vacation this year

We had a great time this summer. We travelled to Vegas (well just me), Chicago, and North Carolina. I have an AMAZING son. He does so good on car rides. He talks like a grown up. He learns new things everyday and I am not sure I will ever be able to appreciate all he has taught me. He tells me all the time how much he loves me. I love to cuddle with him and take all the time to do because I know a day will come when he wont want to "snuggle" any more. I am already looking forward to the holidays. I love this time of year! I love fall! The colors are great! The smells are wonderful and the holidays approaching makes my heart melt!

I posted pictures of our trips on my facebook page so my blog spot is next. I havent been posting lately because of personal things going on but I am going to try to take time in the evenings to post about things going on. I mean it only takes about five minutes. I should be able to handle that .. right?

I have still been doing really well on my New Years resolutions for 2009. I weigh in again at Weight Watchers on Monday. I am down 11.6 pounds... only 28.4 to go! I can do it!!! I am doing good with my budget although with Hunter being at his dads this week I have been ordering out but I will be back on track.

I am looking forward to girls night out on Friday Sept 11! watch out everyone!

Have a great day!

PS.. any tips on how to make my blog look better and how to add links.. let me know! I need to do better reading about this. I clueless. I thought about hiring Christina from http://www.christinagblogspot.blogspot.com/ to do it for me.. so that just might happen!

Great weekend but still hurting

We had a great weekend in Chicago and I intend to post pictures by the end of the week. Hunter and I really got to spend some quality mom/son time together. He is so much fun to be around! I cant believe how much he has grown and how much he understands.

I was hoping this weekend would help us heal from Tim and I breaking up but really... this isnt the case. We both still hurt. It hurts. Hurts. I know Hunter is hurting from it. He tells me at various moments during the day.. I miss Tim real bad. I love Tim REALLY bad mommy. All I tell him is that we will all be friends and Tim just needed a vacation. Anyone have any idea how to better handle this? Also, how do I handle the guilt.. man the guilt... I really thought Tim and I had a future.. How did this happen? How long will this hurt last? When or Will the hurt we feel go away? Did I do wrong in dating someone with Hunter being so young... You get the point.. I am struggling so posting about this.. might not be the best or maybe it is.. I dont know anyone. I am going to try to focus on the positive of our lives.. please keep reminding me how blessed I truly am!

I have lost 10.6 pounds on Weight Watchers so far! I love attending and being a part of WW. I still run here and there. I walk lots!

Hunter started in his new classroom and seems to like it! I love you Hunter!